An Optimist’s Guide to Heartbreak by Jennifer Hartmann EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Author: Jennifer Hartmann
- Language: English
- Formats: PDF / EPUB
- Status: Available for Download
- Series: None
- Price: Free
- File Size: 2 MB
Lucy! Your dog puked up a dildo!”
I lurch into a sitting position. Alyssa’s voice is followed by a
clamor of dog nails in desperate need of trimming stampeding
across the hardwood floors as the front door claps shut. I blink, her words
“What?” Scrambling to my feet, I pace down the hallway, finding
my best friend flustered in my living room. “A dildo?”
Key Lime Pie and Lemon Meringue, my two Welsh corgis, are busy
exploring the new turf while Alyssa visibly shudders and plops down onto
the couch. “It wasn’t mine.”
“Well, it wasn’t mine.”
“I don’t know, Lucy, but it sounded like Kiki was having an exorcism in
the backseat. Instead of a demon being expelled, it was a dildo.” Alyssa
reaches into her oversized purse and pulls out a plastic bag that houses the
evidence. Craning her neck and looking away, she holds the bag open while
making elaborate gagging noises.
I’m literally horrified as I peer inside. Then my eyebrows dip when I
recognize what it really is. “Lys, that’s a Banana Bunker.”
“Excuse me?” She whips her head toward me, expression pinched with
bewilderment. “That sounds obscene. Tell me more.”
I laugh. “I use these to keep my bananas from bruising. It’s not a sex
Key Lime Pie, Kiki for short, hobbles over to me on her stubby legs and
collapses at my feet. She’s a little overweight thanks to all of Mom’s notsubtle, under-the-table snack handouts over the years, where Lemon is more
high maintenance when it comes to treat selections. Alyssa transported the
dogs over to the new house for me, while I drove the moving truck and
carried in the furniture with my Uncle Dan. Alyssa has been essential in
helping me transition into my new life.
“So, this is the new place, huh?” Alyssa fluffs her light blond bob and
gives the modest space an approving sweep. “It’s perfect for you. I hate that
you’re forty minutes away from me now, but you’ll still be playing at the
wine bar on Fridays, right?”
I take a seat beside her on the cream-colored sofa and bob my head.
“Yep. As long as I can find a job that will work with my schedule.”
Part one was moving.
Part two is securing a job that will cover my bills and living expenses.
The house was paid for in cash, thanks to the inheritance money I
received from Grandma Mabel, and my car was a gift from my parents four
years ago, but I still have taxes, gas, utilities, food, and all the other costs that
go along with freedom and independence. While I still have some money left
over from the inheritance, I want to find a job that will leave me with a little
extra savings each month that I can put away for college one day.
One step at a time.
“Well, I think it’s great.” Alyssa perks up. “There’s a fenced yard for the
dogs and enough space to add your inevitable live-in lover. And let’s not
downplay the privilege of an attached garage.”
My stomach pitches.
The garage will be for storage.
I will not be using the garage.
Clearing my throat, I pop up from the couch and fiddle with my hair.
“Live-in lover. You’re hilarious.”
“Inevitable,” she parrots.
All I can do is shake my head at her, evading her misfire of a statement. I
realize I’m not a troll, and I’m aware enough to admit that.
But, I’m also a tad neurotic.
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